im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize