the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
