We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
