I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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