Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize