Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
