I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
where does the pee come out of this thing
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
