Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Houston, we have a squirter
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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