remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
