He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
