I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
