We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
