CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
