put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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