You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
