Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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