Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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