I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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