So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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