this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
