Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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