Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
