My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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