why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
