So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize