Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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