I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
