yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
