I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize