Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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