The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize