My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
