haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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