I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
