I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
