I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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