I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
