Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
