Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
