True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
