After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
