im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
