ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize