Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
