It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have post one night stand depression
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