I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
