True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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