I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
