Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
