Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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