i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
