the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
