Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
