apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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