btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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