K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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