Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
