I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
