dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
