i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
