Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We need to get me chipped asap
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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