is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
