either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
