Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
