I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize