And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
