I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
