it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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