It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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