If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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