I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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