it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
