Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
