If i come over, it means nothing
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
